Vader's Trophy
by Tomas the Betrayer
Summary: That's one helmet Ezra Bridger will certainly never collect. In honor of the Dark Lord of the Sith's glorious comeback!


Hotshot young Rebel fighter Ezra Bridger tossed his newly acquired Stormtrooper cadet helmet up in the air and caught it, grinning mischievously. "I can't wait to add this one to my collection," he declared aloud.

"Now is not the time for your usual hijinks, Ezra," his master, Kanan Jarrus, shot the aspiring Padawan a disapproving look as he pushed a floating shield generator past. "Let's just load this loot on that Imperial shuttle before we're detected by the guards. We need to get off Lothal while we still can!"

"Pfft!" The young warrior settled his prize atop another generator and pushed off to follow his Jedi instructor. "Even if this was a setup, I think we're making a pretty slick getaway! Sure, our defector got blown to bits and we're trapped on an Imperial-controlled planet, but if there's one thing I know for sure, it's that my cocky spirit and youthful ingenuity will find a way to beat the odds! And if that doesn't work, I'll just use my slingshot." He gazed adoringly at the puny device on his wrist. "Oh baby, is there nothing you can't do?"

The older fighter glanced sternly at him as they jogged down the landing strip. "I'm just saying, don't let your guard down. We're definitely not out of danger, and right now I… I…"

Kanan's voice died out. Both of them slowed their pace before coming to a halt. A shudder of primal dread traveled down each of their spines.

"The cold…" Jarrus whispered.

As one they turned. Standing at the gate leading into this airstrip was something that defied all expectations for living they might have assumed upon waking up that morning. As though just by looking at it they could tell their futures had been extinguished. The towering figure was clothed in helmet and armor of deepest black like the night itself had come alive, a long cloak of similar hue reaching to the floor. As they watched there came the distinctive snap of a lightsaber, and a beam of hungry scarlet leapt from the nightmare's hand. Heavy mechanical breathing filled the air. It was at this exact moment each knew… they were on the wrong side of the Force.

Two lightsabers burned forth in response. In the meantime that black-clad juggernaut was marching towards them with the air of an executioner on his way in to work. Easy. Unhurried. Certain that whatever his day might bring, it couldn't be any worse than what he was about to do to somebody else. A small squad of Stormtroopers appeared at his back and spread out to begin laying down suppressive fire.

As for our two aspiring Jedi…

"HOLY HUTT!" Ezra shrieked, knees knocking together and a distinctly damp feeling growing in his flight suit's groin. "WHAT IN THE NAME OF ANAKIN SKYWALKER IS THAT THING?!"

"Hold your ground, Ezra!" Jarrus commanded while breathing heavily. It felt as though something was choking the life out of him already as their demonic enemy approached. "Remember your Jedi training!"

"SCREW MY TRAINING!" the kid shouted back. He looked like he wanted to turn and run but was too scared to move. "YOU DEFINITELY DIDN'T COVER ANYTHING LIKE _THAT_ IN YOUR CRAPPY BASIC TRAINING! THAT THING'S TEN FEET TALL IF IT'S AN INCH!"

"Blast it, Ezra, hold strong!" His tutor was seriously beginning to wish he had never brought up being a Jedi at all with this kid. Standing with lightsaber clenched in both hands, he prepared to face this nemesis with honor. "Trust in the Force, and you will–!"

"TRUST THE FORCE?! ARE YOU KIDDING? UNLESS I'M SERIOUSLY MISTAKEN, THE FORCE IS WHAT'S WALKING TOWARDS US RIGHT NOW, AND IT LOOKS FRICKING PISSED!"

Kanan's temper snapped and his head whipped around. "WELL, WHY DON'T YOU TRY USING YOUR PRECIOUS SLINGSHOT ON IT, HUH? I SEEM TO RECALL READING A STORY LIKE THIS ONCE WHEN I WAS A KID!"

The monster bore down on them as they bickered like comic relief.

"DID THAT STORY END WITH TWO ASSHOLES GETTING CHOPPED INTO LITTLE BITS BY LIVING MOUTH-BREATHING NIGHTMARE FUEL? WELL, DID IT, KANAN?"

"NO, ACTUALLY, THERE WAS A BIG SCARY GIANT AND A SNOT-NOSED LITTLE BRAT WITH A SLINGSHOT AND…"

Right around this time the approaching menace lifted one hand. It gave a gesture, and just like that, both of Kanan Jarrus' arms were ripped off to go flying to either side.

Shocked, the newly paraplegic Jedi slowly looked at the blood gushing from his stumps, then took a deep breath and screamed. "AHHHHHH!" He turned to look at one spraying amputation. "AAAAAAH!" Then the other. "AAAAHHHHH!" And finally he spun around, looked straight at the horrified Ezra and said, "AAA–!"

This would have gone on longer, but right then the point of a red lightsaber burst forth from Kanan's mouth to halt a heart-stoppingly scant inch from Ezra's nose. As the horrified youth watched, his tutor's eyes rolled up in their sockets. The deadly beam retracted, the corpse crumpled at his feet. And just like that, Ezra Bridger looked up to find himself confronted by what was no doubt the deadliest killer in the whole galaxy.

Immediately he deactivated his lightsaber and flung it away, raising both hands in surrender. "DARK SIDE FOREV–!"

One sweep of the blade parted Ezra's head from his shoulders and hands from his wrists. The severed appendages went tumbling to the steel floor, followed soon after by another wannabe Jedi corpse trailing smoke from its stumps.

Looking up, the victorious Sith Lord noticed the commandeered Imperial ship had already taken off and was streaking away from the city, becoming no more than a dot on the horizon. Whoever was at the helm clearly knew when to hold them and when to fold them. Even if it meant abandoning your colleagues.

He lifted his hand, fingers clenching into a fist.

Far off, the fleeing craft slammed to a halt. Then, almost as fast as it had sped away, the whole thing just retracted right back to this spot until it hovered before the master of the Dark Side, jets burning the air overhead into superheated ripples. Crouched behind cover at the still open bay doors, Zeb and Sabine pointed their blasters at this overwhelming opponent. Neither dared open fire, however.

"Any more Jedi on board?" a deep rumbling voice inquired casually.

The two Rebels glanced at one another, then slowly shook their heads no.

"Very well, you may go."

He released his hold, and once more the purloined vessel shot over the city, spinning round and round like a top before righting itself to go streaking away.

"Lord Vader." A Stormtrooper officer led his command up to their leader and saluted. "Do you wish for us to pursue them?"

"That will not be necessary," the Dark Lord of the Sith intoned. He flicked off his lightsaber and hooked it back onto his belt before bending down. When he came up, Darth Vader now held the severed head of Ezra Bridger by the hair. Wisps of smoke curled faintly from the boy's nostrils. His eyes were wide as could be, mouth frozen in a rictus scream. Altogether, it was a masterful picture of sheer human terror.

Satisfied, Vader flung the head over to a Stormtrooper idling nearby and turned away.

"Add it to my collection."

He then went stalking back inside.

Staring after him, the trooper looked down into Ezra's contorted death-mask. Behind his own mask he gave a grimace.

"That's it, I quit," the Imperial soldier declared, tossing the grisly trophy to another nearby guard. "I did not sign on for this messed-up Jedi crap." He then proceeded to march off.

Meanwhile, back on the escaping ship, the remaining rebels were just glad to be alive. Trudging towards the bridge side by side, hulking alien Zeb finally shrugged and remarked offhandedly to Sabine, "Well, I never really liked either of them to begin with."

"I know, right?" the Mandalorian firebug removed her helmet with a laugh. "Kanan was such a stick in the mud, and that kid? Wow! Talk about a complex! What, did he actually think _he_ was going to be the one to defeat the Empire and save the galaxy?! C'mon!"

"That's what you get for thinkin' you're the Force Reborn," her ally commented dryly. "Now let's go get drunk and prank-call the Emperor."

"Woo-hoo!" Sabine pumped a fist and followed merrily in his wake.

 _ **FIN.**_


End file.
